Self-Saboteur at Work: The Invisible Armor That’s Actually Holding You Back

You can have the title. The credentials. The six-figure income. The team. The perfectly organized calendar that screams productivity. But still...

You’re stuck.

Not because you don’t know enough.
Not because you aren’t working hard enough.
But because deep down, something inside you is pulling the brake every time you start to accelerate.

That, Brave Soul, is what it means to be a self-saboteur. And if you’ve been waking up feeling like you’re running on fumes, questioning whether you’re meant for more but simultaneously fearing what “more” might demand of you—you’re not alone.

What does it mean to self-sabotage? It’s not just procrastination or fear of failure—it’s any unconscious behavior that undermines your goals, your energy, or your joy. Self-sabotage is the invisible thread woven into the burnout cycles of high-achieving women, especially in male-dominated industries like finance and tech. And it’s not laziness. It’s not lack of ambition. It’s self-protection disguised as productivity.

Let’s unravel it.

The Truth About Self-Sabotage (It’s Not What You Think)

Self-sabotaging behavior doesn’t always look like disaster. Sometimes it looks like being the most responsible person in the room. Sometimes it looks like success.

It looks like perfectionism.
It looks like working until midnight "just to get ahead."
It looks like signing up for another professional development course because “maybe this one will finally help me feel confident.”

It looks like the woman who is admired for her discipline but is secretly drowning in self-doubt.

So what is self-sabotaging behavior really a symptom of?
It’s often rooted in a self-sabotaging mindset—old beliefs wired into your nervous system that say, “If I slow down, I’ll fall behind,” or “If I shine too brightly, I’ll lose connection.”

Here’s the kicker: self-sabotage is not a flaw. It’s a survival strategy that once served you.

When you were a little girl trying to get love from an unavailable parent by being "the good one."
When your worth got tied to grades, achievements, being seen but not too loud, smart but not threatening.
When you learned that keeping everyone else comfortable was the safest way to belong.

That pattern didn’t come from nowhere.
But it also can’t take you where you’re going.

Why High-Achievers Are Especially Prone to It

You know what they say about glass ceilings. What they don’t talk about is the glass floor.
The one that keeps breaking under the weight of invisible labor, chronic overthinking, and the belief that if you stop pushing—you’ll fall.

Why do people self-sabotage—especially the most accomplished among us?
Because success without safety doesn’t feel like success. Because being visible feels dangerous when you’ve spent a lifetime flying under the radar. Because deep down, part of you still believes you have to choose: be powerful or be liked.

High-performing women in finance and tech don’t label themselves as burned out. They say things like:

• "I’m stuck."

• "I feel like I’ve plateaued."

• "I’ve lost my spark."

• "I’m constantly exhausted, but I can’t slow down."

Sound familiar?

Self-sabotaging behaviors for women like you aren’t obvious.
They hide inside the things that get rewarded: high standards, people-pleasing, being the dependable one, the fixer. The one who “can handle it.”

Until you can’t.

My Story: When Overachievement Became a Cage

Years ago, I was leading multiple international tech teams, raising my adopted son solo, caring for my aging mother, and navigating the political minefield of corporate finance.

From the outside, I was impressive.
From the inside, I was crumbling.

I didn’t know I was sabotaging myself—I just thought I wasn’t working hard enough.
I dismissed the exhaustion, minimized the resentment, and overrode the voice whispering, “This isn’t it.”

I stayed too long in a job I had outgrown, kept volunteering for initiatives that sucked me dry, and ignored the signals my body sent until they became non-negotiable.

It wasn’t until I found myself sobbing on the bathroom floor—again—that I asked the real question:
What if the problem isn’t that I’m not enough... but that I keep building a life around who I had to be instead of who I really am?

That’s when everything changed.

Why Hustle Culture Keeps You Stuck in Sabotage

Let’s get one thing straight: you don’t need more strategies.

You’ve read the books.
You’ve taken the trainings.
You’ve tried yoga, meal prep, gratitude journals.

The reason nothing sticks?
You’re treating a soul-level pattern with surface-level tools.

Self-sabotaging how to stop?
It starts by recognizing that what looks like a motivation problem is actually a nervous system issue. What looks like a lack of willpower is often a deeply ingrained fear of being too much—or not enough.

Self-sabotage doesn’t live in your calendar. It lives in your beliefs.
In the conditioned parts of you that equate slowing down with failure.

And here’s what no one tells you:
Sometimes your sabotage pattern is the only thing keeping you from collapsing under the weight of the expectations you’ve normalized.

So let’s stop trying to override it—and start listening to what it’s trying to protect you from.

(If you're curious how to begin unwinding those layers, I go into this in depth in the blog, Stillness: The Power Move We Were Never Taught. It's a must-read for high-achievers who can't seem to sit still without guilt.)

A Better Way Forward: How to Quiet the Inner Chaos

There is another way.
It’s not about doing more.
It’s about doing differently.
It starts with stillness.

Because when the noise quiets down, you finally hear:

• The voice beneath the to-do lists.

• The real fear behind the overwork.

• The wisdom that’s been drowned out by "shoulds."

Here’s how you can begin today:

1. Track the Timing

Notice when you start to derail yourself.
Is it right after a success?
Right before a breakthrough?
When someone praises your work?
That timing is gold. It reveals the part of you that’s afraid to grow.

2. Pause, Don’t Push

Instead of bulldozing through the resistance, sit with it.
Ask: What is this part of me trying to protect?
You’d be shocked what comes through in 60 seconds of intentional stillness.

3. Practice One Tiny Act of Non-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a loop. Stillness breaks the pattern.
Try this: when you catch yourself about to say yes to something that drains you, pause.
Take a breath. Say, “Can I get back to you on that?”
That’s leadership.

You’re not just protecting your time.
You’re reparenting the part of you that thought she had to earn her place by overextending.

And if the voice of self-doubt starts whispering again, try this powerful reframing practice I shared in Rewire Your Brain: How to Reframe Negative Thoughts. It’s one of the simplest, most effective mindset tools to create space between you and the old stories running the show.

For more on the science and psychology of self-sabotage, I also recommend exploring the deeper research in Positive Psychology’s take on self-sabotage and Psychology Today’s foundational guide.

Self-Trust Starts in the Quiet

If you feel like you’re doing all the things and still spinning—this is your invitation to stop doing, and start noticing.

Because when you peel back the noise, what you’ll find isn’t a mess.
It’s clarity. It’s you.
The real you. The one who doesn’t need to prove or perform.

And here’s the truth:
You’re not stuck because you’re broken.
You’re stuck because you’ve outgrown the old operating system.

Let’s rewrite it.

Stillness isn’t weakness. It’s the first act of rebellion against a world that taught you to prove instead of lead.

If you’re ready to explore what happens when you stop sabotaging your next level and start trusting your own alignment, I’d love to invite you to my free on-demand Aligned Leadership Masterclass.

We go deeper into the patterns keeping brilliant women small—and the framework that helps you rise with clarity, confidence, and zero burnout.

Because aligned leadership doesn’t come from doing more.
It comes from being fully you.

Let’s begin there.