Back to Work After Holiday: Conscious vs Unconscious

The Choice That Defines Your 2026

I spent years going back to work after every holiday break, telling myself, "This time will be different."

Every December, I have the same conversation with myself. Every January, I walked back in, telling myself I'd finally set boundaries or prioritize differently. Every February, I was back in the exact same loop, the clarity I had during my vacation completely buried under deadlines and deliverables.

The gap between who I was and who I was becoming got wider each time. The cost of ignoring what I knew got higher each year.

What finally changed wasn't that I got braver. It was then that I finally asked myself a different question.

Not "Can I keep doing this?"

But "How long am I willing to become someone I don't recognize?"

I'm writing this to you now because you're in that space between knowing and choosing. Between the holidays and the return to work. Between the clarity you have right now and the fog that will descend the moment you're back in meetings.

You might have a week before you go back. Because let's be honest, you ARE going back. Most of us have to.

The question isn't whether you return. The question is whether you return conscious or unconscious, and what that choice costs you.

The Week Between: When Abstract Becomes Concrete

You've felt this building all month.

Early December, something felt off. You couldn't name it yet, but you knew something had to change.

Mid-December, you realized you don't even know what you want anymore. Success feels empty. The goals that used to drive you feel hollow.

Last week, you saw the pattern. The loop you've been choosing, the same cycle you keep repeating, hoping for different results.

Now it's the final week of December, and abstract awareness is becoming a concrete reality.

In a few days, your alarm goes off. You get dressed. You commute. You're back.

Same desk. Same meetings. Same people asking "How was your break?"

Can you do it knowing what you know now?

What The First Morning Back Actually Looks Like

Let me paint the picture, because your mind is probably trying to soften it right now:

6:00 AM: Alarm goes off. Your first thought isn't "good morning," it's "here we go again."

6:02 AM: You lie there for two minutes, remembering that nothing actually changed during the break. You just had time away from the thing that's draining you.

6:05 AM: The shower where you give yourself the pep talk. "It'll be fine. Everyone feels this way. Just get through January."

6:30 AM: Getting dressed in work clothes after two weeks of comfort. Your body already feels the weight returning.

7:15 AM: The commute. Whether you're driving to an office or walking to your home office, this is when the dread really builds. When you start mentally preparing for everything waiting for you.

8:00 AM: You're back. And despite telling yourself during the break that "this year will be different," nothing has actually changed. You have the same boss. The same role. The same impossible standards. The same exhaustion is waiting to consume you by February.

The test isn't whether you should do this.

The test is whether you can. And more importantly, who you're becoming by doing it unconsciously.

Three Ways to Go Back to Work After Vacation (Only One Breaks the Pattern)

Option 1: You Go Back Unconscious (Pretending You Don't Know)

This is the default. This is what most people do.

You had clarity during the break. You knew something had to change. You may have even looked at job postings, researched coaching programs, or talked to your partner about making a change.

But when January 2nd comes, you tell yourself the same things:

• "I'll deal with it after Q1 when things calm down."
• "Now isn't the right time with the economy like this."
• "I just need to make it through this year."
• "Maybe if I just work on my mindset, it'll feel differen.t"

By February, you're back in survival mode. By March, you can't even remember why December felt so urgent. By next December, you're having this exact conversation with yourself again, except you're one year older, one year more exhausted, and one layer deeper in the pattern.

This is the most dangerous choice. Not because you're staying in a hard job. But because you're going back to work unconscious, teaching yourself that what you know doesn't matter. That your clarity isn't trustworthy. That you can keep overriding your own knowing without consequences.

Research on cognitive dissonance shows that when you act against what you know, your nervous system experiences it as a threat. Not from the work itself, but from the internal conflict. Every time you silence what you know, you erode self-trust. By March, you stop hearing the signal entirely.

This is what unconscious return costs you: self-trust. And once that's gone, you can't hear yourself clearly enough to make any decision.

Option 2: You Go Back WITH a Plan (But Without Accountability)

You're not leaving tomorrow. But you're not pretending anymore, either.

You acknowledge what you know. You give yourself a real deadline, not "someday" but an actual date. You decide to use January through March strategically to build the bridge, not just survive.

You've renegotiated the terms, even if just internally. You know exactly what you're working toward and why you're still there.

This can work. But only if you're ruthlessly honest about three things:

First: Is this actually a new plan, or the same promise you made yourself last January?

Be honest. Have you told yourself "just one more year" before? Have you set deadlines that passed? Have you made plans that dissolved the moment work got busy?

If this is a pattern, you need to acknowledge that. Because repeating the same plan and expecting different results is just Option 1 with better packaging.

Second: Who will hold you accountable to this plan?

Here's where most "plans" fall apart. You make the plan in December when you have space and clarity. Then you go back to work, where you have neither. Within three weeks, the plan is buried under urgent emails and impossible deadlines.

You need someone outside the system who will ask you the hard questions. Who will call you on your own excuses. Who understands the specific pressures of finance and tech and won't let you use "busy season" as a reason to abandon yourself.

Without accountability, your plan is just a wish.

Third: Is your plan realistic given the system you're in?

"I'll set better boundaries" sounds great until your boss schedules the 7 PM call anyway. "I'll prioritize self-care" sounds great until the deadline gets moved up and you're working weekends.

The plan has to account for the reality of the environment, not an idealized version where everyone respects your needs. Most plans fail because they require the system to cooperate. The system won't cooperate. Your plan needs to work anyway.

If you can answer those three questions honestly, and your plan still holds? Then strategic staying might be right. But you need support to execute it, not just intention. Without that, you're just going back unconscious with better packaging.

Option 3: You Go Back Conscious (With Eyes Open and Support)

This isn't about having everything figured out. It's not about having another job lined up or a perfect exit strategy.

It's about going back with your eyes open, fully acknowledging what this costs you, and making a conscious choice to either accept that cost temporarily or begin changing it immediately.

You're not pretending it's fine. You're not hoping it'll magically feel different. You're not waiting for the "right time" that never comes.

You're saying: "I see what this is. I see what it costs me. And I'm making a conscious choice about what happens next."

This might mean:

• Going back for three strategic months while you build the bridge
• Going back while working with someone who can help you navigate this transition
• Going back while renegotiating your internal relationship to the work
• Going back while actively preparing for what's next

The difference between this and Option 2? You have support. You have accountability. You have someone who won't let you slip back into unconsciousness.

Because here's what I learned after years of going back to work after vacation: You cannot do this alone. The system is designed to pull you back into unconscious patterns. You need someone outside it to keep you conscious.

Why 2025 Makes This Both Harder and More Urgent

I know what you're thinking right now.

"Economic uncertainty means I can't afford to leave."
"Layoffs are everywhere. I should be grateful I have a job."
"With everything costing more, this isn't the time to take risks."

All of that is true. All of that is real. I'm not going to tell you the economy doesn't matter or that you should just "follow your passion" off a financial cliff.

But here's what 30+ years in corporate finance and tech taught me: There's never a "good time" to face this.

There was no good time when I finally dealt with it. There was a pandemic. Economic uncertainty. All the legitimate reasons to stay and keep pretending.

The question isn't "Is now a good time to make a change?"

The question is: "How much is going back to work unconscious actually costing me?"

Because staying in something that's killing you has costs, too. Burnout leads to health issues. Health issues lead to medical bills and missed work. Decreased performance leads to being passed over for promotions. The slow erosion of staying unconscious costs just as much as a strategic transition. It just bills you monthly instead of upfront.

And here's what no one tells you: The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Not easier. Harder.

Because every year you ignore what you know, you teach yourself that your clarity doesn't matter. Every January, you go back pretending, you make it harder to hear yourself the next time.

Your End-of-Year Assignment: Preparing for Conscious Return to Work

You don't have to have all the answers. But you do need to stop letting fear and inertia make this choice for you.

Here's what to do before you go back:

Day 1: The Honest Assessment

Write down what your first day back at work will actually feel like if nothing changes.

Be specific. Don't soften it. Don't rationalize it.

The alarm. The getting ready. The commute. The first meeting. The end of the first day. The first week. The moment in mid-January when you realize you're already back in the loop.

Then ask yourself: Can I do this? Not "should I." Can I?

And more importantly: Who am I becoming by doing this unconsciously?

Day 2: The Pattern Check

How many years have you had this exact conversation with yourself?

How many times have you told yourself, "This year will be different," and it wasn't?

How many plans have you made that dissolved by February?

If this is a pattern, you need support. Not more willpower. Not a better plan. Accountability from someone who won't let you slip back into unconsciousness.

Day 3: The Real Cost Calculation

What is pretending actually costing you?

Not just in terms of happiness or fulfillment. In concrete terms:

Your health. Your relationships. Your energy. Your creativity. Your sense of self.

The person you're becoming versus the person you were designed to be.

Now, calculate the cost of getting support to change this. A Strategy Call. A coaching program. Whatever it takes to stop the loop.

Which cost is actually higher?

Day 4: The Conscious Choice

You're going back to work after this holiday. Let's be realistic.

But are you going back:

• Conscious or unconscious?
• With support or trying to white-knuckle it alone again?
• With real accountability or just another promise to yourself that will dissolve by February?

Decide. Not whether to stay or go, that's too binary.

But: Am I choosing this consciously or by default?

When I Finally Stopped Going Back to Work Unconscious

It wasn't a single December. It was years of them.

But the December that finally changed everything, I stopped asking "Can I keep doing this?" and started asking "How long am I willing to become someone I don't recognize?"

I looked at myself honestly. I saw the woman I was turning into. Smaller. Quieter. More bitter. More exhausted. More disconnected from everything that made me, me.

I saw the gap between the person I was designed to be and the person this constant unconscious return was making me.

And I understood: The real danger wasn't in leaving. It was in staying unconscious.

Not because the job was objectively terrible. But because going back to work unconscious was costing me myself.

I didn't leave immediately. But I stopped pretending. I got support. I found accountability. I made my return to work conscious instead of default.

That's when everything changed. Not because the circumstances changed. Because I stopped lying to myself about what they were costing me.

You Have Days to Decide: Conscious or Unconscious Return to Work After Holiday

Here's what will happen if you go back unconscious without addressing this:

You'll have the same conversation with yourself next December.

The same exhaustion. The same "I can't do another year like this" that you'll ignore again. Another year deeper in the unconscious pattern. Another year further from who you were designed to be.

I went back unconscious for years. Each time cost me more. Each time, the gap widened. Each time, it got harder to hear myself.

The pattern only breaks when you stop trying to do this alone.

You can't accountability-partner your way out of this with a friend who's in the same system. You can't journal your way through this. You can't positive-mindset this into feeling different.

You need someone who understands the specific pressures of finance and tech. Who's been where you are. Who won't let you use "Q1 is always crazy" as an excuse to abandon the plan. Who will hold you accountable when the unconscious patterns try to pull you back in.

That's what a Strategy Call is for. Not to sell you something. But to help you see clearly what you already know and can't quite act on alone.

If you're ready to stop going back to work unconscious, book a Strategy Call before you return.

Not because you need all the answers.

But because trying to break this pattern alone is what's kept you stuck for years.

You might have a couple of days to a week before the alarm goes off and you're back in it.

Let's use them to make sure you're returning conscious this time.

Book Your Strategy Call →

Related Reading

• When Something Feels Off: The December Decision You're Avoiding
• How to Stop Feeling Empty When You Have Everything
• Unhappy with Life? Why Next Year Won't Be Different Either